Making it Right or Making it Real
Everybody’s been going on and on about sleep paralysis and
mysteries as of late, uh…I’ve had a bit of an odd episode involving this
phenomenon, and I think I met my doppelganger while I was at it. Truth is I’m
not entirely sure if that was something even remotely similar to a
doppelganger.
I remember before the internet all the crazy magazines.
There was a boom for aliens and the Garadiavolos at the beach, and maybe an odd
ghost at a public space now and then. I had a friend in elementary who looked
up these small magazines that looked like Reader’s Digest, Enigma. I had a
curiosity for them, if I was with my mom at the groceries and I wanted to look
at something spooky while at the cashier, there they were next to VEA for the
old ladies. Anyway this kid at school once shared me one of those spooky little
articles with an issue he brought, the story of Queen Elizabeth I meeting her
own doppelganger. I didn’t quite read into it at the time, but he summarized it
with an asspull about that queen dying after seeing it.
So last
Sunday I’m taking a nap. I’m lying half-asleep watching TV, drifting between a
football game or news coverage on the Paris Attacks. There’s a shitload of
noise going on outside, dad hired some men to work a wall to fix a backyard
door, so there was some concrete getting smashed with a small jackhammer. In
spite of all this I just start to snore, I just laid there like someone slammed
me and I really appreciated it. Finally I dozed off for just like a couple of
minutes, then the paralysis kicked in. I was still real sleepy, but my body
wouldn’t move. The paralysis wasn’t new to me, fact is I welcomed it, felt like
lucid sleeping and that was good because I think my body is getting the rest it
deserves. But then I start hearing a voice. My own. I close my eyes thinking I’m
probably mumbling and snoring, but I felt like I dove into something, like I
was fast in a dream. I make out what my own voice is saying. “I’m out. I’m
right here.” – and then I see it, standing right on top of me. To give you some
perspective, my bed doesn’t face the door like everyone else’s, I’m facing the
wall to watch TV, so right behind the bed is the door. Standing on top of me as
I’m laid down on my pillow, is me. I’m looking down at my head in the pillow,
smiling, fully dressed like I’m going out to get drunk. It identified itself as
my conscience. He had a pleasant, calm smile. He asked me to search for
somebody. He said I could do it now that he was out. My mind could search
anyone, and he wanted me to look for someone and send him an important message.
I close my eyes, as if I could go fast into the dream again. My room changed as
I kept lying looking upwards, in some flashes I was no longer in my room, I was
in some kind of muddy cave with roots. I think I saw people, I was looking for
somebody, but I just wasn’t sure. They seemed like bright figures. My conscience said I could find anyone,
anywhere. And it was at that moment that he dove down, and out foreheads met. I
was going to keep going. I could keep going. I was going to find this person,
he (and the conscience told me it was a he) was far. But I could go far. All I
had to do now was focus. I was in the paralysis, and my mind could do
something, reach someone in that state. The task now was to stay this way, and
concentrate before I’m able to jump far.
“This is very useful…” – I thought to myself. “He’s out, I
can move in and around. There’s so many things I can do now with all this
space.” – it’s vast, and I could reach anyone. I could go all the way to
Europe, and find this guy. But I had to concentrate. This entailed staying like
this for hours, possibly the entire day.
And hilariously it stopped at that point. My urgency kicked
in and I literally kicked myself out. Simply put I was not willing to really
spend the day like that. And so I jumped out. And it wasn’t easy. Physically, I
didn’t jump. Didn’t jump, sitting up, sweating as if I got killed in a
nightmare like they show you in the movies. I had to ‘jump’ from where I was at
because I had seemingly gone all in. It wasn’t a matter of opening my eyes, my
eyes were open, it was a matter of jumping back from how far and fast I had
gone from that dream. And just like that my body was moving again. I was again
paying some scant attention to the football game going on, or Polly Boiko
talking. I actually fell asleep again, the day was just going super slow. I did
not get up until I felt hungry.
So that was it. Today I’m typing this wondering what that
was, brainstorming. It could’ve been a dream I’m overanalyzing for the trolls.
It could’ve been my conscience and I had discovered a milestone for telepathy
as if moving memory and data around a computer when you care for some extra
space. It could’ve been my doppelganger out to drown me.
He did help me kick out. At that moment of urgency, he knew
me like I knew myself.
- AA
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